The United States' history classes Most Influential American Tournament moved to the Elite 8 on Friday as only 8 great Americans were left standing while the other 8 were sent back to the drawing board to figure out what went wrong.
In the presidential region, Teddy Roosevelt walked softly but carried a big stick and used it to pound upstart Ronald Reagan. Roosevelt jumped out to an early lead and thumped Reagan by a 2:1 margin. After the game Roosevelt was overheard telling Reagan "“It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena, whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood; who strives valiantly; who errs, who comes short again and again, because there is no effort without error and shortcoming; but who does actually strive to do the deeds; who knows great enthusiasms, the great devotions; who spends himself in a worthy cause; who at the best knows in the end the triumph of high achievement, and who at the worst, if he fails, at least fails while daring greatly, so that his place shall never be with those cold and timid souls who neither know victory nor defeat.” Reagan did not want to hear it as he was sent packing.
In the second match up, George Washington showed Thomas Jefferson who is the real "daddy of the nation" as he snuck by the Declaration's Declarer by the score of 25-19. Washington was overheard saying "I can not tell a lie...I whooped Jefferson soundly!". Analysts are already breaking into a frenzy with the upstart Bull Moose Teddy Roosevelt looking to be the first 12 seed into the final four since George Mason (not the school, the real George Mason back in 2002) going against the venerable George Washington. Washington is a perennial power in this tourney.
The Wildcard Bracket lived up to its name as it was a wild round of 16. The votes sided with a more modern slant as Steve Jobs defeated Alexander Hamilton. Jobs handed Hamilton and Iphone and told him to call for a ride home because he time was up. Hamilton started to throw 10 dollar bills at Jobs screaming "yeah, look who's picture is on the 10!". Security quickly escorted Mr. Hamilton out of the arena. In the second matchup in this bracket, Steven Spielberg matched up with Elvis Presley. Spielberg doubled up Presley 30-14 and whispered in the King's ear..."EP phone home!! I am the king now!". The regional finals will match up the two Steves for a trip to the Final Four.
In the Social Activists Bracket, Muhammad Ali got hit early and often for a TKO at the hands of Martin Luther King. In larges margin of the day, King thumped Ali. King said afterwards.."I have a dream today and it is to advance to the final four and win the whole tournament." Baseball star Jackie Robinson whooped up on Elizabeth Cady Stanton like she was a pitcher for the Chicago Cubs. Robinson jumped to an a sizeable lead after one class and ended up defeating Stanton 30-14.
In the last two matchups of the day, Thomas Edison defeated Andrew Carnegie. Edison told the press afterwards, "I have never failed, I have just found 1000 ways not to do something. Well, today, I did not fail and I did it right the first time. It was never a contest." Henry Ford made road kill out of the Wright Brothers as the Wrights crashed and burned by the second highest margin of the day.
Elite 8 Action is as follows:
Teddy Roosevelt vs. George Washington--Presidents Bracket
Steve Jobs vs. Steven Spielgberg--Wildcard Bracket
Martin Luther King vs. Jackie Robinson--Social Activist Bracket
Thomas Edison vs. Henry Ford--Innovators Bracket
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